my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
