I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
