just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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