I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
