saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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