its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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