3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need water and some morals
Randomize
