dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
