You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
