It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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