Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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