I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
4 words: hood of his car
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
