I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
