I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
