i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
