Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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