I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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