I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
