Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
