my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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