What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
