Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
