I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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