so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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