then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
