The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You pole danced in your parka.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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