I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize