I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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