How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
