those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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