Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
