So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
