yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
