wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
