I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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