Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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