I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
