I faked an abortion last night.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
