I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize