bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
