You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize