In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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