So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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