I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
