I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
