Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
