Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
