Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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