good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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