I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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