hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
