he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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