I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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