How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do herpes really smell.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i came on her dog
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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