Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please don't give away my fajitas
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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