Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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