He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
