Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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