Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
