Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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