She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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