Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
