My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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