yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
