I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
