honey bunches of taint.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
