what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
